Single dads in recovery deserve equality

August 23, 4:12 PMLouisville Parents in Recovery ExaminerAngeline Davis


Let's face it: sometimes men make better single parents than women. Some researchers even believe that this is almost always true, as single men are better able to impart such things as empathy to their children than women (Father and Child Reunion). With all of the hooting and hollering for women's rights that has gone on over the last few decades, the time has come for the lack of consideration of the rights of men to be noticed and changed. Recovery is definitely one of these areas, at least in the city of Louisville, and single dads need to be afforded the same opportunities to parent as women.

Volunteers of America, for instance, has the only halfway houses in Louisville for women with children: Maude Boothe, Grace House, and Freedom House. There are no such places for men. Why is this? Don't men deserve the same chance to care for themselves and their children as women? How many of you know a single man in recovery with sole custody of his children because their mother chooses to drink/drug instead of parent her kids?

Kentucky has among the highest rate of CPS removal of children and foster care placement. A lot of men choose to "trudge the road to happy destiny" (AA "The Promises"), so they deserve all of the aid needed to regain/retain custody of their children. Poverty and the entrance into recovery often go hand in hand, especially for those with children, and men, like women, should have at least one halfway house in this city so that they, too, will be better able to keep custody of their children without having to fret over money, shelter, and simple survival. Quite frankly it is a ridiculous travesty to men, children, and society, which is burdened with this additional cost of unnecessary foster care.

There are regular cases of family courts placing children into the custody of their mothers because these women were able to get into one of VOA's halfway homes, as the courts typically otherwise would not have done so. One can only wonder at the number of children unnecessarily placed in foster care because CPS felt uncomfortable with placing them with their fathers, often due to poor living situations, as there is no such home for these men. The seemingly simple solution is to right this wrong and create at least one halfway home for men with children. Not to do so is an injustice to all.

Other suggestions for male equality in recovery include having childcare provided in at least a few of the "men only" meetings and having day treatment as an option. Those who choose to utilize a 12 step program for their recovery tend to benefit from attending gender specific meetings, and currently there is no meeting for men with childcare in Louisville. JADAC also has the only sliding fee scale outpatient treatment in the city, but offers it during the day for women only. In addition, there are shelters for abused women with children, but no such place for men. (Alcoholism/addiction and domestic violence are often closely related). Women are not the only single parents in recovery, and men deserve the same rights here as elsewhere.

With all of these suggestions, many questions are left unanswered. Why haven't these changes been made already? Why aren't men speaking up about these issues (more)? Where would the money for such a halfway house come from? Should there be a domestic violence shelter for men? The list goes on and on. The only thing that appears certain, at least to me, is that there are changes which must be made, as in the interim it is not just men, but also their children, being harmed in the process.

I'd love to hear your thoughts, ideas, and opinions!